stuff and more school blues -.-

yup, my table arrived, and is assembled. Actually, it arrived quite awhile back, just that i was too lazy to write an entry, and nothing really interesting happened. Actually, it feels kinda comfy, and there’s enough space for my computer, laptop, and a tray of food and drinks, which makes it the ideal study environment

yeah studies, thats if i use it to study. stuff’s been happening, answers came, more questions followed. In fact, i’ve concluded that in a christian perspective, i’m in direct rebellion against god. Is that bad? I’m back questioning whats e point of heaven. Alot of christians tell me heaven isn’t just a place, it isn’t just happiness, or whatsoever. but noone’s answered me what heaven is

I’ve asked other questions, like whats the point of all the morality in the bible? so what if the bible says its wrong, so what if god thinks its wrong, why do i want to adhere to it when i don’t give a damn abt heaven? and the ironic thing is i’m involved in 2 christian grps in the school, the contradiction

oh, and for those who don’t know, i got into trouble at school again. don’t get bored of hearing this though. I scolded my teacher in class, but i shalln’t really elaborate on it here. anyway, i’ve asked a couple of people and all agree the teacher was at fault, and apparently this isn’t an isolated case

In short, e teacher’s gonna send in a formal report about me, and i’m gonna send in a formal complaint about him, as well as ask for a re-evaluation of my project and all other marks by other teachers, and probably ask for a formal apology from him as well.

well if this doesn’t work out, u can guess i’m leaving again lol.. how smart. whats wrong with me anyway? rather, whats wrong with this world. I’m becoming awfully self-centered, and i’m never ever wrong now. I view everything contary to me as a problem.

Typical School Blues

I’m sure alot of people feel this way often. Its this pressing need to do work, and all e deadlines crawling closer by the minute, yet you’re without any motivation to do any work. Thats whats i’m feeling right now. The usual has happened again, I lost interest in school work, lost my motivation to do work.

It probably is the lack of satisfaction that i always feel. For all of you who missed it, here are my results.

Accounting : 93/100
Business Computing Applications : 80.5/100
Macroeconomics : 16.5/20

Many of you may ‘wow’ at my results, yet i feel nothing. I feel increasing distressed, depressed, tired, and bored. In fact, I haven’t felt satisfied for the most part of my life, leading up to now. In fact, the only reason i’m still alive is all thanks to temporary gratification, i.e. games, music. Yet these activites occupy time required for the essential work.

Pirorities wise, i know for certain i need grades and higher qualifications to survive in this society, yet sub-consciously, i feel incomplete without any satisfaction. Witihout satisfaction, i have no motivation to accomplish my pirorities either, cuz in my eyes, life itself is meaningless and pointless, correction, the entire concept of existance.

Ironically, i’m learning maslow’s hierarchy now. its this theory that states that a person is always motivated by his lowest unsatisfied need. From highest to lowest, Self-Actualization, Esteem, Belongingness, Safety, and Physiological.

Although i dispute it, i.e. koreans who play until they die.. its interesting to look at it in my perspective. Apparently, my only unsatisfied need is the highest level, Self-Actualization, which i believe i might never achieve. In fact, the idea is so abstract that i can’t identify any means as to which i might achieve that.

Well i guess thats all for now. For now, i’ll continue living off temporary satisfactions, until eventually nothing remains