IT Show!

well.. forgot issit pc show or the it show, regardless… this yr’s show sucked. Like hello? 1 level at suntec convention center? its by far the smallest of such exhibitions i’ve seen so far, and big names like apple and creative were missing.

regardless, i got what i wanted 😛 2x1gb of notebook ddr2 667 dimms at $49 each, and 2×20″ LCD panels, 1 for my younger bro.

Besides that, i have exams tmr! argh… well at lest i’m done studying for the next 2 papers. lets see how it goes (=

Latest Updates

Well now that i’m back here, lemme give a brief update of whats been happening.

Firstly, i’ve more or less settled on a life interest; business. I reasoned this way cuz my interests usually changes quite often, leading me to stray from field to field without achieving much. Due to this however, i end up with long lists of ideas that i’d like to implement, ranging from improvements to stuff in life, to personal wants, like a dessert chain specializing in easy to eat, cold snacks for the mid-day.

Well, some of you might’ve also heard i spent quite some time thinking up a business plan for a online business. I’ve thrown that aside for now cuz i’ve noticed my lack of experience in alot of things. It was never a time-constrained business idea to begin with anyway, so i might as well work on improving related skills like public speaking and negotiating while i waste my time in school.

Hmmm, well lastly i’ve started looking into productivity sites too, which is where most of e online tidbits will probably come from. Reason being, i waste most of my time everyday doing absolutely nothing, i.e. lying on the bed lazing, listening to music(though some of you might think otherwise).

One of e interesting things i read was to commit to a small number of MIT(most important things) everyday, and ensure that these get done. This, together with a carefully selected array of weekly and monthly goals, hopefully will push me in the right direction for what i’m aiming for.

Its just scattered thoughts today, well.. but i’m trying my best to plan out my life and sort out e long overdue stuff, like my messy desk (=

dreams

When was the last time i dreamt, or had nightmares? I just noticed that i seldom dream anymore, and its kinda sad. The last dream i remember dates back many months, and nightmares, many years

Perhaps nothing frightens me anymore, or perhaps i spent too much time thinking about life itself to worry about dreams.  Some interesting things happen during dreams though, like dreaming of e future, though i haven’t had that since sec 1(6yrs back).

Another one concerns my nightmares. Well, some nightmares are the simple being chased by ghosts, or plain frightening ones. Others are those that concern dying.

Somehow everytime i get those dying nightmares, i wake up feeling as though someone, or i had really died then, and that this simply is another body, and all previous memories that i feel and remember, are simply inherited when i “body-hopped”. Strange isn’t it?

i.e. my last nightmare was one of falling from some extreme heights, and i can remember e moment all the way until i hit the floor, then, i wake up with that dreaded falling sensation, except that i feel whatever i remember of that guy who just died had faded away, other than the dying, and all my memories that i possess belongs to this body and not myself.

This extends so much such that i feel that if i were to jump off a building right now, I’d simply just relive that same experience and wake up in another body. In fact, that is precisely what happened in some of my nightmares, where i deliberaltely jumped off a building and woke up feeling that same sensation.

Does it really happen? Honestly i don’t know. Why i’m writing this is just cuz i miss having my nightmares. Perhaps its cuz i’m not as suicidal as the person who committed suicide in my nightmares, or not as unlucky as the ones who fell off a bridge, or off a ledge. Maybe nightmares really happen, and all that we are, are just entities floating around ready to hop to another body when this one dies.

stuff and more school blues -.-

yup, my table arrived, and is assembled. Actually, it arrived quite awhile back, just that i was too lazy to write an entry, and nothing really interesting happened. Actually, it feels kinda comfy, and there’s enough space for my computer, laptop, and a tray of food and drinks, which makes it the ideal study environment

yeah studies, thats if i use it to study. stuff’s been happening, answers came, more questions followed. In fact, i’ve concluded that in a christian perspective, i’m in direct rebellion against god. Is that bad? I’m back questioning whats e point of heaven. Alot of christians tell me heaven isn’t just a place, it isn’t just happiness, or whatsoever. but noone’s answered me what heaven is

I’ve asked other questions, like whats the point of all the morality in the bible? so what if the bible says its wrong, so what if god thinks its wrong, why do i want to adhere to it when i don’t give a damn abt heaven? and the ironic thing is i’m involved in 2 christian grps in the school, the contradiction

oh, and for those who don’t know, i got into trouble at school again. don’t get bored of hearing this though. I scolded my teacher in class, but i shalln’t really elaborate on it here. anyway, i’ve asked a couple of people and all agree the teacher was at fault, and apparently this isn’t an isolated case

In short, e teacher’s gonna send in a formal report about me, and i’m gonna send in a formal complaint about him, as well as ask for a re-evaluation of my project and all other marks by other teachers, and probably ask for a formal apology from him as well.

well if this doesn’t work out, u can guess i’m leaving again 😛 lol.. how smart. whats wrong with me anyway? rather, whats wrong with this world. I’m becoming awfully self-centered, and i’m never ever wrong now. I view everything contary to me as a problem.

Typical School Blues

I’m sure alot of people feel this way often. Its this pressing need to do work, and all e deadlines crawling closer by the minute, yet you’re without any motivation to do any work. Thats whats i’m feeling right now. The usual has happened again, I lost interest in school work, lost my motivation to do work.

It probably is the lack of satisfaction that i always feel. For all of you who missed it, here are my results.

Accounting : 93/100
Business Computing Applications : 80.5/100
Macroeconomics : 16.5/20

Many of you may ‘wow’ at my results, yet i feel nothing. I feel increasing distressed, depressed, tired, and bored. In fact, I haven’t felt satisfied for the most part of my life, leading up to now. In fact, the only reason i’m still alive is all thanks to temporary gratification, i.e. games, music. Yet these activites occupy time required for the essential work.

Pirorities wise, i know for certain i need grades and higher qualifications to survive in this society, yet sub-consciously, i feel incomplete without any satisfaction. Witihout satisfaction, i have no motivation to accomplish my pirorities either, cuz in my eyes, life itself is meaningless and pointless, correction, the entire concept of existance.

Ironically, i’m learning maslow’s hierarchy now. its this theory that states that a person is always motivated by his lowest unsatisfied need. From highest to lowest, Self-Actualization, Esteem, Belongingness, Safety, and Physiological.

Although i dispute it, i.e. koreans who play until they die.. its interesting to look at it in my perspective. Apparently, my only unsatisfied need is the highest level, Self-Actualization, which i believe i might never achieve. In fact, the idea is so abstract that i can’t identify any means as to which i might achieve that.

Well i guess thats all for now. For now, i’ll continue living off temporary satisfactions, until eventually nothing remains

Settler’s Cafe

Anyone heard of this place? I spent last friday there and really enjoyed myself. dunno what to say other than, its a really cool place to be in! On the surface, it may not seem much though. Basically what you do there is BOARD GAMES! yeah. really cool board games that people usually don’t find elsewhere.

The fun is we had free flow of drinks and a meal for just 10bucks, from 2-6pm. 4hrs of solid gaming and it still wasn’t enough. So many games to try and enjoy, ranging from knights of camelot to errm.. settlers of something. and there’s a choice of drinks too, coke or green tea.

Shalln’t bore you with e details and rules of the games here =P but one day, i might arrange an outing there for a grp of you. till then 🙂

New table?

Saw this corner workstation at ikea recently, and i kinda liked it, espacially with all the additional lightings and stuff as shown in the display model. Wonder if i should get it. Afterall, my room's furniture are getting rather old, and a new look might just spice things up abit

My friend suggested an alternative, but the design was minimalistic, and costed alot more (nope i won't mention prices here) 😛 haha. Regardless, we did a blueprint of my room, and several proposed rearrangements to fit the new table. If i feel like it, i might add another glass panel for my laptop as well, it all depends on SPACE and my budget.

Another problem might be the lightings that looks so good in the display model. They're halogen bulbs! Which means lotsa heat when i turn them on. I'll need to find somewhere to put a fan to cool em down, or i might have to have my aircon on everytime i step into the room, not an idea.

Lastly, i guess this time, i'm gonna do the electrical wiring properly. I already have in mind a plan to fit all the cables snugly, with PROPER switches so i don't have to reach back everytime i feel like flicking a switch on or off. I might decide to redo the networking cables too, as they've been in disarray since the last rearrangement. And i have to throw more stuff. Not including the 8bags of stuff i threw away in my last packing(a few days ago)

Just to add, some of the bags were so heavy, i was literally draggin them down e stairs. Hard to believe how much junk i accumulated eh? Well, believe it or not, this is one of my first packing attempts ever, aside from my parent's futile attempts to clean up the ever intensifying warzone of my room. After 8 bags, my room's still messy. Something ought to be done, but the holidays are at an end. More planning i suppose 

Walking towards etherealism

After the close-down of diary-x, and my subsequent lost of posts, i finally found a blog-host that i'm satisfied with 😛 and finally found the motivation to write the starting entry after sitting on it for awhile.

For all of you who missed out, i'm not longer in Junior College, and moved on to Polytechnic cuz i didn't like the environment there. Well, Poly isn't ideal either, i guess the grass is always greener on the other side. At first glance, it seemed ideal, i expected openness, more choice. While the latter is true, openness amongst the general populace is lacking. Sure, the environment seems open, people seem open, the problems is the seeming openness.

In fact, most people there are less open than my JC counterparts, and my encounter with silent muggers has been less than glorious. Summing it up simply, poly seems to be a "all-talk, no action" type of school. People there pose, act, and try to attract attention. They lack originality, and typically employ herd mentality. Just not-my-type of people.

Unlike secondary school, where i faced waves of politics and group disagreements, you can expect the opposite here, where most people lack substance and pose more often than work. Here, i get to pass my ideas across very easily, even when i question its credibility. In fact, i seem to be the only person in my group who actively tries to propose and reject ideas.

Another thing i encountered is the different thinking of seemingly everyone around me. I.e. Accounting. The starting lessons were harder to absorb as they were missing many links, but it gradually got easier for me. It was the opposite for others, who found it getting progressively harder as more gaps were filled, and links created, possibiliy due to an increase in number of concepts

Furthermore, the topic of sexuality seems to remain a taboo everywhere i go. I've found people here, who haven't heard of vibrators, hentai anime, tampons. give me a break. I also encountered people who'll insist that masturbation is wrong no matter what you throw at them, health benefits, enjoyment?

Simply, most people there don't think like me, and from what you've read, definately don't fufil my criterias. Unfortunately, i've already attracted a lunch group. Sometimes i wonder if i ought to try isolation, or should i actively try to find my ideal clique while attracting unwanted attention?